This was the first New Year’s Eve in my entire life that I spent completely alone at home, unless of course you count my furry friends. While I could blame the raging pandemic and pretend that I was just making a responsible choice, I really was just relying on the pizza that was delivered to my door and the deafening silence that filled my home to coddle me through the night. I housed 2 slices of pizza, tried to watch a few episodes of Sex in the City to drown my sorrows, and ended up falling asleep on my couch. I was only woken up by a text from my mom wishing me a Happy New Year at midnight. 

The next day life moved on as usual, but the reality is that these holidays really have a way of highlighting what we feel we are missing in our lives. As I sat on my couch that night my mind raced with visions of how I should have been spending my New Year’s Eve at the age of 36 years old during a pandemic. 

There I am with an apron on pulling freshly baked chocolate chip cookies out of the oven as my husband puts the children into their new pajamas bought especially for this night. We then take family pictures so I can rush to put up a typical heartwarming Facebook post about how we enjoyed the extra family time that 2020 allotted as life stood still for the entire world. The kids are then put to bed with cookie smudges at the edge of their little mouths and my husband and I enjoy Chinese food on the couch while toasting our wine glasses to a new year. 

Wait a second. First off I’ve never owned an apron. Secondly, while people enjoy seeing pictures of loved ones on Facebook, no one really cares that Johnnie learned how to ride a bike in 2020 besides grandma and some close family and friends. And why in the world didn’t anyone wipe Johnnie’s face before bed? Hold up. Now my fake children have names? Alright enough. The more important question here really is why do our minds create these “ideal scenarios” instead of living comfortably in our own reality?

If I could do it over I’d order extra cheese on that pizza, call a few of my friends and family to thank them for their part in my year, and take in the beauty of my solo situation.

We live in a society where social media dictates how we should feel, think, and act. When your feed is filled with pictures of seemingly happy family units, new engagements, and an influx of pandemic baby announcements we think that’s what life should be. Don’t get me wrong, I want those things too. BUT, for whatever reason my life has other plans for me in the now. 

Maybe you’re supposed to find your dream job before having children. Maybe you’re supposed to marry a man that is currently working his way through a terrible divorce. Maybe all those men you dated in the past were placeholders so that when the time was right, Mr. Right was ready for all of your glorious womanhood. 

I don’t have any of the answers, but as Valentine’s Day is upon us I just wanted to give a shout out to all my single independent women yearning for their “forever.” I can’t promise you the journey will be easy, but I can promise you that you are exactly where you are supposed to be IF you make your mind up to be. 

And all of you that find yourselves lucky enough to have found your “forever”, lay off the single memes on Valentine’s Day. Instead find yourself a strong independent women meme and post that bad boy on your badass friend’s page.

As for myself….I already ordered some Valentine’s Day hot cocoa bombs for my best friend’s children that I’m very excited to deliver because at the end of the day ….

Shouldn’t we all just be supporting each other as women?

Our last pictures of 2020