5) The Interview

“What do you do for work?”

“I teach 8th grade special ed.”

” Oh, wow I don’t remember having hot teachers like you when I was in school.”

It’s like being interviewed over and over again. At a certain point you get sick of your own story and want to change things up a bit. Let’s see…I’m a sky diving instructor. On second thought then the hot teacher comment would be sorely missed or would it?

4) The Diet

Your thighs rub together and your belly does a jello jiggle impression when on a run. If you have to partake in yet another alcoholic beverage or dining out date Jenny Craig is going to be pissed.

3) The Schedules

You work nights. I work days. You have your second cousin twice removed 5 year old niece’s birthday party. I have a track meet that spans the next 2 days. You have a rotating schedule with your crazy ex-wife for the kids. My lawn hasn’t been mowed since Tuesday and my dog is lonely.

Lots of pen pals. Pen pals were exciting…. in 5th grade. I’m guilty of it too, but plan a date already. The president has time to get in a golf tournament so you sure can squeeze in a date with a big thighed sky diving instructor.

2) Too Many Options

Tinder. Bumble. Plenty of Fish. Match. If your preference for today is a blonde who instructs yoga at the local park and has her own organic garden on the patio of her west-side apartment just keep swiping. I don’t know about you but I would argue that the number of choices online amplifies the confusion in today’s dating world. Hanging out with a romantic comedy and a pepperoni pizza becomes the clearest option. Jenny will still be pissed though.

1) The Comfort Conundrum

Thongs were cute in your 20’s. I value my comfort now. Heels were sexy. I value my comfort now. My pajamas make the perfect after work outfit. Maybe if we stay pen pals your vision of the hot 8th grade teacher with the organic garden on her patio who Jenny isn’t pissed at will come jumping out of a plane and create your happily ever after.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the single 30’s life. I think I’ll go for the extra cheese pizza tonight.

P.S.-Don’t tell Jenny.