Sometimes as I sit on my couch drinking my morning coffee on the weekends, I find myself questioning why I was meant to be alone for so much of my journey on earth. I know, I know, that sounds a bit dramatic because I’m blessed with an abundance of friends and family, but essentially I spend a great deal of my free time alone. I often travel alone, eat at restaurants alone, and spend my weekends enjoying my own company. The thing is, I have this burning desire to share my excitement for life with someone who can match my energy. So yesterday, I decided to stop hiding behind my pile of work and get out on a date. I had been texting back and forth with an online suitor for quite some time and I decided to take the initiative to ask him if he finally wanted to meet. He asked the typical question, “What are you thinking?” Well, If I were to be honest I’d tell him that I was thinking that I’d like him to pick a place and make this whole dating exchange feel like less of a chore. Nonetheless, I picked the restaurant that best suited my taste buds and made peace with being the decision maker for the first date. 

Hurricane Ian had left us with a dreary and cold night at best, but I eagerly put on a long sleeved red dress with a black leather collar paired with a warm beige overlay. As I made my way to Green Valley Grill, a fine dining restaurant, with European fare, wines, and a coffee machine capable of making fancy cappuccino delights, I did my best to muster up thoughts of optimism. I deserved a nice night out with good company and I was determined to enjoy the night. 

 Pat made his way to the front entrance. I’m never quite sure what to do when you first meet a complete stranger so in typical Melissa fashion I go in for a quick hug to avoid the awkward standstill. We made our way to the crowded bar and secured the last two stools at the end. Five minutes into the conversation or lack thereof, I found myself missing my own company. If I were at this bar by myself, I’d be free to talk to whoever reciprocated my energy. I’d be free to order whatever I wanted without feeling bad knowing that he was most likely going to cover the bill. He went on to tell me that he prefers to stay home and that he hadn’t been out to a restaurant in a long time. He seemed disconnected, like he wanted to be anywhere but at the bar next to me.  I can’t exactly explain what I was feeling, but the bubbly excitement I showed up with was being suffocated by my date’s lack of engagement. In a last ditch effort to connect with Pat, I asked him about his job. He told me about his accounting job and real estate doings. I began to tell him about my new position, and was met with a snarky remark about why education wasn’t a profitable career. 

As I drove home,  I made a promise to myself that I would never trade my own company to be with just anyone to fit  into society’s timeline. If one has to spend so much time alone, what better thing to do than to continue to grow.